I am reminded today how frail we all are. How complicated pregnancy can be. That the miracle of having a baby is no small feat. I have very mixed emotions today... sorrow, anger, thankfulness, unworthiness, etc. It just goes on.
It's so hard not to ask questions like, Why does God give some the desires of their hearts, others who want something so badly but yet their hearts are continually broken, and then others who don't want something He allows for it to happen. Let me clarify, why does He allow someone like me to have a healthy pregnancy, someone else who wants a baby so badly and has numerous miscarriages and yet still another person gets pregnant out of wedlock and didn't want a baby?
I am so thankful the Lord has watched over me and Wyatt so far and has blessed me with a boy. I'm so sad for a friend who just found out she miscarried for the 4th time today. I am so angry that they and their family cannot be as happy as I am at this moment. I am mad that everyday people who do not want children get them. THis is another example of my frailty and my sinfulness.
I know all of this sounds so....human. lol I'm not sure how else to describe it. Who am I to judge how the Lord works? Who am I to say that He is not making the right decisions. But yet, who am I to be blessed with this baby growing inside of me? My heart hurts! I almost felt embarrassed or ashamed in some way to see my friend today whose family has had such heart ache with miscarriages.
All I know to do is trust in the Lord. I'm at a loss for anything else. Like my friend said today, I want to ask God why is He doing this, but honestly I know I don't want the answer. We deserve so much worse than we ever go through. All we can do is know that He is working in us what is pleasing to Him. We praise Him anyway.
Habakkuk 3:18-19
"18 Yet I will exult in the LORD,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
19 The Lord GOD is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
And makes me walk on my high places."
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Update
It's such an experience being pregnant. :o) Now that i'm showing, and it's obvious that i'm pregnant, not fat, I still get caught off guard when people ask me about my pregnancy. What's funnier is that most people believe they are the authority on being pregnant. "What are you having" "A boy" "Yeah, I could tell." lol It's entertaining. Thankkfully, no one has come up to me to rub my belly like I'm a good luck charm or something, depending on the mood I'm in they could regret it very much. haha
It's also been interesting to read all the stuff on the internet about what week I'm in and not be a hypochondriac! I've read so many different things and go, oh my goodness! That's me! lol I will say though, it's no fun sneezing!
We have Wyatt's room painted! Wes and mom helped ever so much! :o) The main color is a pale green and the accent wall is a mural of the bedding. We have a couple of random squirrels like over the window and on another wall, we're hoping to get the furniture in the next few weeks and then I'll paint a bunny on another wall. I want to make sure we place the crib and such where we want it before I paint the bunny, I wanna be able to see him! Here's a pic of what we painted :o)
And here's a preggy pic of the preggy belly :o)
It's also been interesting to read all the stuff on the internet about what week I'm in and not be a hypochondriac! I've read so many different things and go, oh my goodness! That's me! lol I will say though, it's no fun sneezing!
We have Wyatt's room painted! Wes and mom helped ever so much! :o) The main color is a pale green and the accent wall is a mural of the bedding. We have a couple of random squirrels like over the window and on another wall, we're hoping to get the furniture in the next few weeks and then I'll paint a bunny on another wall. I want to make sure we place the crib and such where we want it before I paint the bunny, I wanna be able to see him! Here's a pic of what we painted :o)
And here's a preggy pic of the preggy belly :o)
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Wyatt's Room
I put on facebook a few days ago that I was having a harder time deciding on Wyatt's room than we had deciding on his name. lol SO many options, SO many decisions to make, and once you finally make one, it's opens a whole new door to more decisions. For a VERY indecisive person, this is not good. haha
We decided the first decision we needed to make was his furniture. Once we picked that out, it would narrow down the fabrics and color schemes that would match it. We went to two different stores, saw lots of furniture we liked, but after figuring out the quality, the color and the pieces that were offered, we picked Simmons Kids Furniture. It's BEUATIFUL! Here's a picture:
Wes saw it and liked it immediately, I on the other hand, took three hours to finally decide that was the one I wanted. haha
So, now on to bedding! OH GOODNESS! Looking on the internet and such, we first found a couple that we liked, but didn't love. We wanted something boyish, but not too babyish, so we didn't even know if we wanted to have little animals, or cartoons, or little trucks or whatever. We wanted someting that Wyatt would like for at least a few years. Out of everything we saw, we thought we would try for the color scheme brown and blue. THere were a few patch work ones we really liked, but we didn't want something boring either! haha
While we were at the store picking out furniture, Wes saw this. Once again, he immediately liked it, and it has taken me a while to be fully on board with it. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great, but it's not what I had in mind. I am now sold on it :o) but I didn't remember seeing it on Babies R Us' website..... because they don't sell it! AH! So instead of being able to register at just one place, we're now going to have to register at two. But it's worth it. Here's a picture of it:
So now that we've decided these few things, we now have to decide what color to paint the walls and such. But we're SUPER excited!
So now you've gotten a little glimpse of how completely indecisive I am, and what it's like to try to make me make a decision. I LOVE my hubby and he's ever so very patient. For this, and many other things, I am VERY THANKFUL!
We decided the first decision we needed to make was his furniture. Once we picked that out, it would narrow down the fabrics and color schemes that would match it. We went to two different stores, saw lots of furniture we liked, but after figuring out the quality, the color and the pieces that were offered, we picked Simmons Kids Furniture. It's BEUATIFUL! Here's a picture:
Wes saw it and liked it immediately, I on the other hand, took three hours to finally decide that was the one I wanted. haha
So, now on to bedding! OH GOODNESS! Looking on the internet and such, we first found a couple that we liked, but didn't love. We wanted something boyish, but not too babyish, so we didn't even know if we wanted to have little animals, or cartoons, or little trucks or whatever. We wanted someting that Wyatt would like for at least a few years. Out of everything we saw, we thought we would try for the color scheme brown and blue. THere were a few patch work ones we really liked, but we didn't want something boring either! haha
While we were at the store picking out furniture, Wes saw this. Once again, he immediately liked it, and it has taken me a while to be fully on board with it. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great, but it's not what I had in mind. I am now sold on it :o) but I didn't remember seeing it on Babies R Us' website..... because they don't sell it! AH! So instead of being able to register at just one place, we're now going to have to register at two. But it's worth it. Here's a picture of it:
So now that we've decided these few things, we now have to decide what color to paint the walls and such. But we're SUPER excited!
So now you've gotten a little glimpse of how completely indecisive I am, and what it's like to try to make me make a decision. I LOVE my hubby and he's ever so very patient. For this, and many other things, I am VERY THANKFUL!
Monday, February 15, 2010
It's a BOY!
IT's official! We're having a boy!
His name will be Wyatt Nathaniel Payton
Wes' family has a different tradition. Very cool one in my opinion. Instead of passing down a name and having sr, jr, III, etc. they pass down initials. I believe it started with Wes' grandfather; William N. (can't remember his middle name) Payton, his father's name is Wayne Nelson Patyon and Wes' is Welsey Neil Payton. So we needed to come up with a name with WNP initials. After much contemplating and looking, (there aren't very many good W names) We came up with: Wyatt Nathaniel Payton. Wyatt means: Warrior and Nathaniel in Hebrew means: God has given.
God has certainly given us an amazing blessing! I can't wait to meet our little boy and am so thankful that the Lord saw fit to give us a boy first.
Here are some pictures from the ultrasound we had last Tuesday:
I wish the photos had printed out as clear as it was when we were seeing him on the screen. But still, none the less, very exciting!
We are SO thrilled!
I Samuel 1:27 "For this boy I prayed, and the LORD has given me my petition which I asked of Him."
His name will be Wyatt Nathaniel Payton
Wes' family has a different tradition. Very cool one in my opinion. Instead of passing down a name and having sr, jr, III, etc. they pass down initials. I believe it started with Wes' grandfather; William N. (can't remember his middle name) Payton, his father's name is Wayne Nelson Patyon and Wes' is Welsey Neil Payton. So we needed to come up with a name with WNP initials. After much contemplating and looking, (there aren't very many good W names) We came up with: Wyatt Nathaniel Payton. Wyatt means: Warrior and Nathaniel in Hebrew means: God has given.
God has certainly given us an amazing blessing! I can't wait to meet our little boy and am so thankful that the Lord saw fit to give us a boy first.
Here are some pictures from the ultrasound we had last Tuesday:
I wish the photos had printed out as clear as it was when we were seeing him on the screen. But still, none the less, very exciting!
We are SO thrilled!
I Samuel 1:27 "For this boy I prayed, and the LORD has given me my petition which I asked of Him."
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
High Maintenance = Lots of ultrasounds!
A few weeks ago I had a migraine that was SO bad that my doctor thought I was having a stroke. After being rushed to the ER just to wait for hours and be sent home, referred to a neurologist and then the next day have an MRI and echo and blood tests like you wouldn't believe, all to prove that it really was just a migraine. Pregnancies are COMPLICATED!
As a result of one of my blood tests coming back abnormal; my OBGYN thought I had potential to be Protein S deficient. Which means that my blood may clot causing all kinds of problems even miscarriage. So she sent me to a high risk doctor today...
They told me everything was fine. I'm not high risk and the baby looks great! We got to see the baby on ultrasound. When we started the ultrasound the baby was looking right at us and sitting indian style. lol After some measurements and finally the baby moving around, we now know what we're having! But, I'll have to post that later tonight with new pictures, all the fam doesn't know yet.
But I say all of this to say that even though it's a pain in the you know what to have to go to so many different doctors, have so many tests done, and all the running around and scheduling and all that crap; it's been great to see our baby so many times! We get to have another ultrasound at my OBGYN's on March 5th and then another one on March 24th as a follow up at the High Risk Doctor. :o) Today makes ultrasound number 4 :o)
I'm also very thankful for the technology and the cautiousness my doctor's are using. It puts me at ease.
Pictures and Announcement to come soon!
As a result of one of my blood tests coming back abnormal; my OBGYN thought I had potential to be Protein S deficient. Which means that my blood may clot causing all kinds of problems even miscarriage. So she sent me to a high risk doctor today...
They told me everything was fine. I'm not high risk and the baby looks great! We got to see the baby on ultrasound. When we started the ultrasound the baby was looking right at us and sitting indian style. lol After some measurements and finally the baby moving around, we now know what we're having! But, I'll have to post that later tonight with new pictures, all the fam doesn't know yet.
But I say all of this to say that even though it's a pain in the you know what to have to go to so many different doctors, have so many tests done, and all the running around and scheduling and all that crap; it's been great to see our baby so many times! We get to have another ultrasound at my OBGYN's on March 5th and then another one on March 24th as a follow up at the High Risk Doctor. :o) Today makes ultrasound number 4 :o)
I'm also very thankful for the technology and the cautiousness my doctor's are using. It puts me at ease.
Pictures and Announcement to come soon!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me?
There are a lot of things that happen to a pregnant person that you just don't know about until you're going through it. You ask someone who has been pregnant before you if you're crazy or if it's normal and they say, "Oh yeah, that happens... just wait until...blah blah blah" I really think that they keep the really scary and bizarre stuff under wraps so people will get pregnant. haha Cause if you knew everything that you could possibly face, I personally would have a hard time being ok with being pregnant. And plus, they didn't know about it and freaked them out, so why should they give you the heads up?
Example: you turn into a CRAZY and irrational bag of emotions. I don't cry, I'm not a crying person, it takes a lot for me to cry, well, it used to. And anger! Sheesh! I can mood swing like nobody's business! Over the stupidest of things. And you can only blame it on horomones for so long. You can't tell someone off or cry like a baby and look at them and go, "it's ok, i'm just pregnant." People aren't as sympathetic to that as others let on. And they shouldn't be. They just roll their eyes and say, "The crazy preggo is at it again..."
My favorite Youtube video lately has been "Pregnant Women Are Smug" haha keeps ya grounded :o)
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